The Smudge: Dating at Whitworth

by Jonny Strain

There is something that we all deal with as Whitworthians, something that can result in great reward or tremendous pain, something that is so simple and so complex, something that can give you delightful butterflies or make your stomach churn. No, I am not talking about French Dip Friday. I’m talking about Whitworth dating culture.

Navigating this terrain is like walking through a minefield. One wrong step, and BOOM! You’re married, and you don’t even remember what happened. It is my privilege and honor to offer you some unsolicited tips on how to navigate your way through the Minds and Hearts of those Whitworth guys and gals without getting too much flack from those nosy noodleheads we call friends. Let’s get personal.

1) Find someone you think is neat! Studies show that three out of four Whitworthians are totally cute and totally dateable (there are no studies that say that, but there could be). Whitworth is like a giant eHarmony in the flesh, where you are surrounded by a limitless number of talented, like-minded, passionate and good-looking people. I hate to say it, but there are simply NO GOOD PEOPLE anywhere else on the planet. I checked, so don’t miss out.

2) Coffee date! Nothing says “I am interested in you but don’t want anyone to know” like a good old fashioned chit-chat in the coffee shop. This is a great way to dip your toes in the waters of friendship before being swept away by the waves of love. And peer pressure.

3) Casual texting. Only it’s not so casual, is it? Develop a steady stream of inside jokes, flirtatious comments and affirmations. If you REALLY want to give your messages that suggestive edge, start adding little smiley faces to everything you say. Example: “It was great getting coffee with you today :]”

4) Casual date. Okay, I realize we are covering a lot of ground in this step, but it is a necessary one. General rule of thumb: go light on activity (light dinner, a flick at the Garland) and go BIG on questions: childhood, interests, hobbies, faith, hopes, dreams and fears. Hold nothing back. How will you know whether or not to commit to DATE #2?

5) Keep it cool. When you get back from your first date (is “date” too strong? How about outing?) people will immediately pounce on you like a cat on an unsuspecting mouse and demand a full account of what you did, how it went, and when the wedding will be. Do not indulge them. Give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile and your free will.

6) Some other things, yada yada yada. You know the drill.

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