By: Daniel

Early this afternoon, I found myself, like most Whitworth students, racing through the cold, wondering why God just loves freezing out Spokanites. We’ve seen this before. The warm sunny weeks in early February shut out the second we get into a second semester rhythm. No more hammocks.

But that doesn’t mean we won’t be hearing conversations in the loop.

So, to keep you in the loop, I’ve found a juicy one-sided conversation.

Girl walking along the hello walk while on the phone with someone, possibly a good friend or established significant other:

“She thinks her feet are ugly?”

Now, I know what you are thinking. We must be missing some critical context here. And you’d be right. We are missing some meaty context. But I’m just here to speculate. So, here is my interpretation of this fragment:

Girl, walking along the hello walk gets a phone call from a dear friend. This friend is upset, nay, distraught because of the mindset of their mutual friend. Said mutual friend has just gone out on a date. In true Ring by Spring fashion, she has gotten both a manicure and pedicure in case her significant other chooses to propose. While she is at the spa, she sees her feet for the first time since last summer (she is always wearing socks). Seeing her feet, she runs out of the spa screaming. Now, her friends are concerned.

So, what will these friends do to support their allegedly ugly footed friend? Maybe next week we’ll find out.

DISCLAIMER All persons and events in this column—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional. Any overheard names have been changed for the sake of humor. Any resemblance to other stories, people, plants, animals, places or events is purely coincidental.