By: Lauren Montague, columnist
“What is the best way to deal with the bad external pressures of Whitworth dating culture?”
From: Hannah
Dear Hannah,
First of all, thanks for responding to our Instagram! I loved seeing your response there and giving you an immediate answer before coming on here to give you a more in-depth one.
On Instagram, I gave you a short answer of three things you need to repeat to yourself whenever you’re feeling external pressure about your dating life.
The first was: every relationship and love story is different, so as long as you’re happy – who cares?
The second: every relationship looks more perfect on the outside than on the inside.
The third: every single person at Whitworth has felt the same pressure in one form or another, whether they’re in a “good” relationship in others’ eyes or not.
But as a student at Whitworth, surrounded by seemingly happy couples attending a Christian university, this is the most important thing to remember: there is no such thing as the perfect Christian couple.
The perfect Christian couple is a myth, and I need you to erase it from your mind. Do it. Right this second.
Whether or not you and your significant other are Christians, forgetting this myth is something you need to do in order to accept your relationship and the fact that it might look different than other relationships on campus. It’s more important to be healthy on the inside, behind closed doors, than it is to look healthy in front of everyone else.
Every couple has their own unique struggle or tension of some sort, even if there’s no way to see it. They could be struggling with lying, priorities, pressure from family/friends or their sexual relationship. The couple that goes to every chapel, Hosanna and Sunday-morning church service together could have absolutely no idea how to put Christ at the center of their relationship.
You literally never know.
Which is why there is no reason to compare your relationship to any other on campus. Next time you feel outside pressure to be or act a specific way in your relationship, think about what might be going on behind the scenes.
And by the way, this goes for singles too! It’s tough being single on this campus. I’ve been there. Knowing that people in relationships have their own, unique kinds of struggles is a good thing to remember, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s tough to feel that time crunch to get into a relationship.
I know it’s difficult being single in an atmosphere where “ring by spring” is a thing you have to worry about for some reason. Again, there’s a plan for you and I’m telling you, you’re going to want to have your own story. Why would you want to have the same one as everyone else?
In the end, it’s all about you and your relationship. Don’t feel pressure to go too fast or too slow. Don’t feel pressure to do everything the “right” way. God has a plan for you and your relationship, and there’s a 100% chance that it’s different than everyone else’s.
And if none of this makes sense, come grab coffee with me and we can talk more.
Love,
Your older sister
