Lion’s Den

By: Daniel

Graphic by Ben Gallaway | The Whitworthian

I don’t know about you all, but spring break cannot come soon enough.

Especially after all of the stress of these past few weeks: the pandemic, the never-ending streak of poor weather, the looming thought that at any moment our world could erupt into a nuclear war and end all of our lives (hopefully quickly, but no guarantees).

Still, there is something beautiful about the natural world waking up from such a long winter.

Yes, I am talking about squirrels – those 1.5-pound scrappy little monsters that seem to dance around campus with no regard for their own safety.

Walking through Dixon, I overheard a woman tell her friend, “Sometimes the squirrels borrow my eyeliner.”

Now, I want a relationship like this.

Think about it for a moment. A symbiotic relationship between yourself and a scurry of squirrels. All of you equally committed to quality eye makeup. Maybe you even offer friendly criticisms or share a mirror. There must be some type of routine to this. Maybe the squirrels wait in line and watch each other attempt to draw the perfect line of eyeliner. Maybe they celebrate anytime a squirrel manages to match both sides. Maybe they have their own signature celebratory dance.  

As we leap into spring break, I want to leave you with one final thought:

Do only flying squirrels do winged eyeliner?

DISCLAIMER All persons and events in this column—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional. Any overheard names have been changed for the sake of humor. Any resemblance to other stories, people, plants, animals, places or events is purely coincidental. 

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