The Smudge: Coloradoans over zealous about Colorado

Coloradoans over zealous about Colorado

by Jonny Strain

We are only in our fourth week or so of classes, and already students all over campus are sick of their Coloradoan peers constantly informing them about the wonders of their glorious  place of origin.

Have you met a Coloradoan yet? You would  know if you have. It would actually be exceptionally surprising if you have not yet had this pleasure, seeing as how a Coloradoan will seize any opportunity to dive into an unsolicited monologue about their love of nature, mountains, and truth; three things that are apparently woven into the very fabric of their souls.

If they are actually gracious enough to wait for your authentic inquiry as to the whereabouts of their hometown, they will instantly be taken to another world. Their eyes will sparkle and rise upward, as if fixated on the snow-capped tip of Pike’s Peak. Their gaze will then snap back to yours as they peer deep into your soul. Eventually they will rediscover the faculty of language and reply, with great veneration, “I…I am from…..COLORADO!”

It is actually rumored that Coloradoans are not born, but rather emerge from the stone and pine of the mountains, a wondrous coalescence of the wild and spirited beauty that is COLORADO.

A typical conversation with a Coloradoan might sound like this:

“Hey Colorado Mike, how’s it going? Isn’t Mount Spokane beautiful?”

“Yeah, it’s ok. But have you ever been to the Garden of the Gods? I spent an entire summer there once, reflecting on the transcendent nature of its inexplicable beauty. I actually wrote a poem about it, if you would like to hear it.”

What you need to understand is that they are not trying to sound haughty and pretentious. They really aren’t. In fact, I have found that, generally, they are actually very likeable people.

I know it is a pain to deal with their eccentricities and overwhelming sense of pride, but hang in there! Because when it comes down to it, one very simple and painful fact remains: we’re stuck with them.

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