The Smudge: Students too busy and intelligent for Core

by Jonny Strain

It’s bad enough that I hate Whitworth, have no friends because I’m mean and am wasting all my parents’ money by going here when I should be working at Dairy Queen. However, it is infinitely worse that while I am here, I have to go to something as pointless, worthless and trivial as Core. Let’s be real. If I wanted to learn about Hinduism I would just go to China or Iraq.

I am a Christian for a reason: Because it’s the TRUTH. If Whitworth is a Christian school, shouldn’t we be studying Christianity? Was Plato a Christian? No. He’s probably in hell, and we’re studying his ideas like they were dipped in gold and kissed by Christ himself.

And I don’t get why Leonard Oakland gets so excited about it. I mean, I understand that he has a PH.D, has taught literature for longer than I’ve been alive, has read 6.5 million books, and is essentially Wisdom Incarnate, but his enthusiasm for Core is definitely misguided. I just think that like, everyone has their own truth, and who are we to question that? I mean, we learn about all these different ideas and thinkers, and they have great ideas, I’ll give them that. But that’s their truth. Why should those ideas be imposed on me? Everyone has their own reality and own sense of value, and it just isn’t right for them to impose these other ideas on us. I just don’t have time to waste energy on something like Core. I am a college student. I can’t do dumb things like worldview papers when I am busy enough as it is complaining about SAGA or building giant forts in my dorm room. I am trying to put into practice Aristotle’s golden mean, by balancing the amount of Core readings I do with the time I spend farting on my roommate’s bed.

When am I ever going to use this information? Why should I be given an opportunity to explore the fundamentals of my thinking? Why should I be forced to examine the philosophical underpinnings of the very way I perceive reality? It’s just stupid for them to make me do that, and a waste of time. Just give me some grace. It’s not like I haven’t at least tried to get into it. I studied for 7 hours straight for the first test and didn’t even sleep. But those tyrants who run the class failed me, and I know they did it on purpose because they were threatened by my worldview. Anyway, I’m all worked up now. I think I’m gonna go play Call of Duty.

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